So I've got this great job. I start on Monday. It's everything I've ever wanted, my field, my dream, my future. The hitch is where I'm training and just the job description. I will have to be available everyday, holidays, weekends, etc. I will have to be there at any time, 6 am- 12am. And I will have to drive an hour away from home and an hour and half away from my love. I don't see a problem with the hours and commitment. It's what I've always wanted and what I see myself doing for.. Well forever.
The company is to die for as well. Great motto, great standards, great upward movement, and great benefits. I can see me being there until I retire. I am a little nervous. This is the once in a lifetime chance and I'm afraid I'll screw it up, but I'm also confident I'll do amazing. It's weird to be at both ends of the spectrum but I am.
The problem is everyone around me. I won't be around, I need to put in time to show I'm reliable and honestly I want to be there all the time even if it has the worst co workers. I want to work; bottom line. The people I love can't seem to understand this. I love them and I will be with them as much as I can, but I need this for me.
I know it seems selfish and in fact I've been called that from time to time, but who else brings them food, takes them where ever they want, spends all I have on them? Who else carries them? They don't do it for themselves. So it seems that I see them as selfish or even cold or dare I say unloving? My love for them involves doing those things for them regardless of if I want to, spending all my time with them because I love to be around them, but this is something I desperately need. I need to have this job, to move up, to finish school, to regain my responsibilities for myself. To get back to paying for my own bills and things, to taking care of me! Once I can get back to these things I can fit the rest in if they want me, but that's the biggest worry. That they won't want me. They will give up on me is my biggest fear.
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